Reflexive note

 Deriving from Queer culture, the ethnographic mode of self-representation or autobiography was praised widely by critics and theorists (Russel, 1999). Similarly, I used myself as anthropological specimen, both subject, editor and filmmaker, altering between art performances, self- mockery and irony and a testimonial confessional mode. In the latter, I engaged in an open and deeply personal conversation with my audience, in which I reveal myself as the filmmaker, artist and survivor. My aim was to break the conventions of shame and silence that I think contribute to the deeply isolating character of our era. By endeavoring to self-audio and video recording, I wanted to reflect the loneliness and struggle that I expressed in the film as part of my life. Moreover, by inscribing myself as Meta discourse (Russel, 1999) I hope to break the colonial conventions that have put the ethnographer on a pedestal. By showing myself as vulnerable and imperfect, me concomitant with my public with whom I want to connect at an intimate level. Finally, following Rouch's quote, if you ask me for whom did I speak; I will have to answer, first of all, for myself (Rouch, 1975).

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